Madame Isobel
Resident Astrologist

Sagittarius: November 22-December 21
Happy Birthday! For many of you, big changes will be coming soon. If you’re sixteen, you’re finally eligible for a driver’s license; seventeen, you can finally buy a ticket to an R-rated movie; and eighteen, no longer a minor and almost free of your parents’ control. But do not take your new freedoms lightly. Disaster awaits for those unconscious of their fates.

Capricorn: December 22-January 20
This may seem hard to believe, but Facebook is never going to leave you. Your news feed will always be there, with the status updates of everyone else who is going to start their homework at 10 p.m. Here’s a hint: press that unused “Logout” link up in the right hand corner, and do something with your family—or maybe actually go and see your friends.

Aquarius: January 21-February 19
You like to keep yourself busy, evident by your full class schedule, sports, extracurriculars, volunteering, and your job. But you’re not seeing your friends or family, and your grades are starting to suffer. When was the last day you had a few hours of free time? Quit the things you enjoy the least.

Pisces: February 20-March 20
You are a notorious overachiever and this school year is no exception. The first quarter is over and you’re already burnt out. Perhaps you shouldn’t have taken five honors and three AP classes. Take a break. It isn’t necessary to stay up studying until two a.m. Your calculator spends more time with you than your friends do. Have some fun, and forget about school for a while. Plenty of people get As without your level of dedication.

Aries: March 21-April 20
Recently, you’ve been nice to everyone no matter what. However, this is making you a bit of a pushover. You can be nice to people, but you don’t need to say “yes” to every favor asked of you, no matter what it is. Your friends can and will take advantage of you if you don’t start saying “no.”

Taurus: April 21-May 21
Frankly, you’re a little…grating. You’re constantly talking, and loudly to boot. And to add to it, you don’t even listen to the people you’re yapping at. Wondering why people aren’t answering or returning your phone calls? That’s why. It’s okay—you don’t need to be talking all the time. Calm down, and listen to what others have to say. You might actually enjoy it.

Gemini: May 22-June 21
Life is better than good for you right now. Everything is going your way, and it has been for a while. But you’re living with your head in the clouds. While everything may currently seem like rainbows and cupcakes, the real world isn’t how you think it is. Your world will come crashing down eventually, and being a little more realistic will make the fall much easier for you.

Cancer: June 22-July 22
What were you thinking? You are such a horrible procrastinator that you only started studying for your unit exam, which makes up 15% of your grade, in first period—five periods before the class! You don’t have to play video games, talk on the phone, or log onto Skype immediately after school. Get away from the computer, unplug the Internet, and try completing your homework before doing anything—it’s not that hard.

Leo: July 23-August 22
You don’t have to do everything alone–and as much as you try, you can’t do it all perfectly. Try asking for help. Your friends, family, and teachers are there for you, and they’re willing to help you with whatever problem you have–within reason. You’re not alone, so reach out. You’ll be happier and far more successful that way.

Virgo: August 23-September 21
The month of October must have been good for you, and you’ve been very happy and excitable. However, not everyone is like you. It isn’t necessary to hop in place and wave your hands around energetically while talking. Take a chill pill and try talking in a slow, monotone voice. Your friends who slept two hours the night before will thank you.

Libra: September 22-October 22
You have all your classes under control—and congratulations! But be generous. Share the wealth of your knowledge, and try to help your peers who aren’t doing so well. Sometimes, all they need is a simple explanation, not the long, stretched-out lesson you receive in class. You’ll feel good doing so, and your peers will appreciate the better grades.

Scorpio: October 23-November 21
You’ve been having a bad week. It’s understandable. But recently, you’ve been standoffish and snippy to everyone who even tries to talk to you. It’s unnecessary to take out all your anger and frustrations on everyone else. Relax. Go home and punch a pillow, and apologize to your friends.