Dear Dr. Hiz and Her,

My girlfriend used to have long, luscious, gorgeous hair.  Then she cut it a few weeks ago. When she asked me what I thought about it, I lied and told her that I loved it. I’m guessing she took this as an invitation to change more things about herself because within the last week she has dyed her Ellen DeGeneres-length hair to look like a rainbow with streaks of all colors throughout her hideous do.  She pierced her ears in four places and began wearing huge, black, obviously fake eyelashes.  She also got a black tattoo that encompasses her entire forearm.  I don’t like any of these changes, but my girlfriend thinks I do since I was too chicken to tell her otherwise and hurt her feelings.  How do I tell her to go back to her old self?

Sincerely, Change I Can’t Believe In

Dear Change,

Communication is key in a relationship. You should have been honest with her to begin with. The only thing you can do now is to tell her you don’t like what she’s doing to herself. Even if she gets mad at you for lying to her–which is possible–at least she’ll know what your true feelings are. If she still decides not to change, then maybe you guys shouldn’t have been together to begin with.

Sincerely, Dr. Her

Dear Change,

It’s too late.  There’s nothing you can do to make her revert to her old ways.  Since your girlfriend is a permanent freako at this point, you might as well have some fun with it.  Take pictures of each stage of her transition process and post them on Facebook for all the world to see.  The pictures make people laugh until they cry–especially if she really looks the way you describe her.  And you know what they say: laughter is the best medicine.

Sincerely, Dr. Hiz

Dear Dr. Hiz and Her,

I really like my boyfriend, but I loathe his family.  When I go to his house, his mom always criticizes my clothing, and I’ve heard her mumble to her husband that their son could get a much better looking girl.  He has an older brother who is equally annoying, constantly demeaning our relationship and insisting it won’t last.  And my boyfriend’s younger sister is something else entirely.  She’s full of energy that she uses to play jokes on me and embarrass me in front of their entire household, and she’s never punished for it.  I don’t want to leave my boyfriend, but I can’t stand his family anymore.  What should I do?

Sincerely, Family Matters

Dear Family,

Talk to your boyfriend about his mother’s criticism of you. There might be a way for him to convince his mom that you really are the one for him. Also, just ignore his older brother. Who is he to judge if your relationship will or will not last? Have your boyfriend talk to his little sister as well and maybe you should talk to her and let her know how immature she’s being. Or you could always just go directly to the family and talk to them. Maybe if you take a stand his family will respect you more. Whatever you do, do not let his family get in the way of your relationship. If you need to go somewhere else to be away from his family then do that instead.

Dear Family,

An eye for an eye makes the whole world satisfied.  The next time Mommy says your clothes are ugly, tell her she has a bald spot that, regardless of her best attempts to hide it, is extremely apparent to everyone around her.  When Big Brother ridicules your relationship, tell him that he shouldn’t take out his own relationship insecurities on you.  And when Little Sister embarrasses you, get her back by pouring Tabasco sauce into her soda at dinner.  The look on her face after she takes that first sip will make your antics worthwhile.

Sincerely, Dr. Hiz